day one

I made it. I am officially a city living girl. Except, not really, because I'm living in suburbia out of the city, but the city is mere minutes away and I'm on my own to figure this whole thing out.

There's something I really, really love about a new place. About finding new "places" that are your own, about navigating a new world, about observing new people you have never met before let alone ever seen, and about finding your own way through it all. It's exciting and challenging and every little thing feels like an accomplishment. It's especially victorious when you make it to the bank even though there isn't enough cell service to use an iPhone app so you are forced to ask a kind lady on the street you end up having a fifteen minute conversation with.

Considering this is the first time I've ever lived truly alone, the realization when I wake up in the morning and can do everything that day in the order I want to do it, is spectacular. I don't start work until Thursday and the little voice in my head told me that I should get out of bed at 10am this morning because anything later was just unacceptable, you know? And then I was like, who am I kidding? I'm exhausted and there is no one here to tell me not to sleep in any later, so I kept sleeping. I rolled out of bed at noon to make breakfast and immediately after making pancakes, I didn't do the dishes. I waited until lunch to do them because no one was going to be annoyed by them hanging out innocently in the sink. I spent far too long singing at the top of my lungs getting dressed to venture out into town and then when I got back, had a snack before putting the groceries away because leaving them on the counter wasn't going to hurt anyone.

This living alone thing, man, it rocks.

The things I didn't do despite accomplishing running three errands in town and navigating the area a bit included: showering and unpacking.

But there's no one to tell me to move my suitcases out of the doorway, either. So that might just wait until tomorrow.

I survived my first day! So have a Red Vine on me, please. Because I didn't buy any. Because if I can eat a one pound bag in two days with a roommate watching, Lord knows how fast I would consume them without anyone watching.

outfit photos were NOT done because though it took me 20 minutes to get dressed,

i spent no time on my face and/or hair.

be on my way

This week, I was hands down, an airhead. A bimbo. A nutcase. However you want to call it. People talked to me and I paid attention for maybe part of what they said before zoning out halfway through to go over my to do list for the umpteenth time. I didn't even mean to do it, I just couldn't focus on one thing while thinking about the thousand things I couldn't forget. Let me reiterate that packing and moving out of your apartment while also taking finals and nannying is not the way to pack and move out of your apartment or take your finals or nanny. Oops.

And yet! It's done! I'm all set and almost caught up on my lack of sleep from last week! I'm trying to desperately wane myself off of the massive amounts of caffeine I had last week! I'm ready for Seattle- which made the craziness of last week worth it!

If there's one thing I know about myself, however, it's that when I'm tired (like most people), I get emotional. Not cranky, but emotional. And maybe it was a sleep exhaustion induced episode, but towards the end of my packing when my walls were completely bare and floor cleared of every piece of furniture and random sock- I sat in the middle of it and just had a *moment*. A cliche holy-crap-where-did-the-time-go moment but also a I-can't-believe-how-different-I-feel-now moment.

If I could tell the person I was a year ago all the things were in store, I would have probably wanted to run away from it all. I would have been terrified. I just want to shake my head at that person. At a time when I desperately needed to let go of friends, a way of living, ideas about my future, and the many insecurities I had, I was also petrified of change. I needed it, but I was too afraid to even think about anything at all changing whether it was my living situation or major. And as good as my summer was last summer, it was also emotionally exhausting to keep my head up and think positively because I had to force myself to accept change even though I didn't want to. When I moved into this apartment, I didn't want to start school or face Missoula to make the changes in my life I wanted to. I just couldn't let change penetrate the other areas of my life that needed it.

I don't think you ever really know the affect you have on another person. But the new friendships I formed and the ones I made stronger than before by focusing my attention on them and not other toxic ones- they affected me in huge ways. They made me face those things I wanted to keep my back turned to and appreciate change. I have the people I met and great friends I have for changing my perspective and for being part of the new world I made for myself in Montana. I have them to thank for being encouraging and making me realize I should be studying what I love.

I confronted so many things this year. Things I was scared of but too proud to admit I was scared of. Dumb, silly things I hate myself for being scared of when it all seems so obvious and clear to me now. It only makes sense to study something you're passionate about and excited to attend class for, it only makes sense to be friends who have similar interests and are a positive role in your life, it only makes sense to do things that make you happy, and best of all, it only makes sense to take chances and risks now for your future because why not!? If I didn't decide to find an internship and live in Seattle, I would have been living in Idaho all summer and while it wouldn't have been a horrible situation, there was no reason for me not to try to do more.

And this summer is truly and absolutely going to be the best summer of my life. Everything fell into place and my happiness is through the roof. I'm not afraid of the things I was scared of before. I'm exhilarated and ready.

And I might still be feeling the emotional sappiness from being tired because I still have some rest to get before I'm top speed again- but seriously. I mean it. If there's something, even small, you can do to change your life in a good way and it's possible, do it.

finals happy week things that take less than three minutes

During finals week, I have to do small little things to perk myself up. Have to. And they can't take up more than a few minutes of my time because there's no time for much else, especially when you're a clothes hoarder and junk collector and have to move out of your apartment during finals week so you can move to Seattle.

My Finals Week in under 3 Minutes Happy List:

(one) Eating a spoonful of peanut butter on my way out the door. Instant and glorious gratification. 

(two) Taking a long route on my way to school to fit an extra jam session in the car with the music turned up a few notches louder. This improves my mood drastically and is probably the biggest boost of them all.

(three) Looking at my harddrive of pictures from my trips to Seattle and realizing it will be my home for three and a half months in days. Motivation instantly provided.

(four) A quick phone call with anyone in my family that will answer. My dad's weird voices are the best when it comes to needing a solid three minute laugh.

(five) Writing "I HATE MY LIFE" in all caps on a page in my journal. Untrue and extremely dramatic, and yet, it feels better at the same time? 

(six) Reading a good soul touching article on Thought Catalogue. 

(seven) Coffee. Coffee coffee coffee. Without ordering "non-fat". Because it's finals week.

sometimes, it's just the little things that are the big ones

The longest day of my no-longer-pre-med life occurred today. Remnants of my pre-med past want to hit myself over the head with a frying pan but present non-pre-med me wants to cry. Granted, the part of me that wants to cry wants to cry because it is a genetics final I am cramming a semester's worth of information into one day for, but nonetheless, it was the hardest day of the semester.

But in all honesty, it makes me realize I am definitely doing the right thing these days. Because! I am just not that good at human biology. Poorly structured class or not, it's just not my thing. Writing is my thing because I love it and I can do it without wanting to completely off myself. Human biology, however, is not my thing. I don't love it and I definitely warped into a super dramatic version of myself tonight in the text's I sent to people complaining about how hard and horrible it was. And if today had been my last day on earth, I kind of think that the way I spent it studying for a genetics test is the very last way I would have wanted to spend it. Ethics? Sure. Lit? Sure. But genetics? Absolutely not.

Two good things happened today, though. Two good things that would have made today, if it had been the last day that I lived, an acceptable pass. And not because of what I was doing but rather that one of my favorite people said something small and probably not meant to be so funny but made me laugh for hours. And then at lunch, she allowed me to take this picture of her and post it on Instagram. Then there's sitting back after taking it and the reminder that to see this amazing person I get to call a friend doing what she loves with so much passion and excelling GREATLY is truly something else. It's inspiring. And if not for her, I probably wouldn't have realized that human biology was absolutely not what I loved. I'm so glad my homework every night involves something I love as much as she loves anatomy and physiology. 

"I listened to the Mulan soundtrack on my way to school today and it was the most inspiring bike ride of my life."

You rock my world.

what my sunday morning looked like that ONE time

Last weekend, when I had the whole apartment to myself- well, by golly! I made myself some chocolate chip pancakes and a homemade mocha, then sat myself down at the table with none other than our kitty cat. However, I couldn't take pictures of the things behind the scenes that would have spoiled the illusion that my life is actually this pretty once in a blue moon. Not because I cared about ruining that illusion and seem like a normal lazy twenty year old college student, but because it wouldn't have made it past parental controls on your web browser if you happened to have them. The true beauty of this scene and this morning was the pantless One Direction singing at the top of my lungs, messy living room scattered with notes, and raccoon eyes because I just do not care to take off my makeup before bed sometimes. Or before making breakfast.

However, let me tell you: when I have guests over, I like to treat them right. Someone please vouche for me (Katy!?). I like to make them chocolate chip pancakes and introduce them to my cat. And these days I've gotten pretty okay at using the whole espresso maker. So, if you were to visit me, your morning would look like this and that would be beautiful.

But if it's me alone, there's a lot more to be seen. I just thought I needed to clarify that so there isn't any confusion. My pancakes are scrumptious and as good as they photograph, however.

I wish I could make this story up

Until 3pm, yesterday was simply marvelous.

I put on the dress I had bought in Hawaii not expecting to wear until at least June but low and behold, the high for today was in the eighties. Has that ever happened so early in the summer!? I finished my paper during my three hour gap and then got out of my afternoon class early so I stole my roommate from her place in the grass on campus and relived our glorious Freshmen 15 days (or, mine, I should say because that girl has a perpetual eight pack). Calzones and ice cream were purchased from the campus store which we consumed in the grass. I went to my last class which for some reason went faster than it has ever gone all semester. And then, oh, and then...

I got to my car. Put on my sunglasses. Pulled out of my parking spot and turned on my tunes. When I was mere blocks from my apartment, I suddenly heard a loud *pop* like a firework had gone off and simultaneously, a loud bang. For half a second I thought I'd gotten in a car accident until I noticed orange gunk everywhere and the dispersal of what looked like orange spray sunscreen  Then I realized. It was my pepper spray that my mom bought me to keep me safe on my runs through the wilderness because the occasional bear sighting has been reported on my trail. I immediately pulled over because I was coughing and it was stinging my throat, plus, I didn't want to get it in my eyes so I had them half closed as I veered into a used car lot. Rolled down every window and then just stood outside my car until it seemed like it was all done. 

Here's where a dumb mistake got even more dumb: because the pepper spray had gotten all over my car and on every surface while I waited in the parking lot for it to die, naturally I thought it was a good idea to sit on my seat (which in my defense didn't look like it had been touched) bare legged with a short dress on. It was a block from my apartment that my legs suddenly felt like they were on fire until I couldn't hold still and it felt like they were being skinned with a knife. I kid you not. Searing pain. I called my mom in a panic and in what was the only smart choice I made, immediately got in the shower and lathered my legs up with soap. However, the burning didn't fade for over an hour as I sat in the ice cold milk/water bath I created because apparently the fats in milk helps strip the chemicals from your body.

Once everything had simmered on down, I sat on the couch and watched Friends and that's the end of that story. Sometimes, my life. I don't even know. And this time I take full responsibility of my actions because I definitely could have prevented the entire thing from happening at all.

remember when i used to be a style blogger...? I forgot, too.

Right, right. I semi-frequently post what I'm wearing and it isn't regular at ALL and maybe I should just quit "style blogging" all together. I mean, there are a lot of things I don't like about style blogging and while I know some people do it very well and I love them for it, sometimes it is enough to make me bonkers. Plus, there's the fact that if I wasn't allowed to write about my day or my ten thousand emotions I might burst. Sometimes I start to take myself too seriously and can't seem to decide if I want to be just a lifestyle blogger or a style blogger. And then I think, wow, Maggie. Stop thinking so much about it and just write what you want because if there's one thing that seems to be a constant it's that I come back to this here teensy corner of the universe to just document and talk openly about life. I think you all are pretty fantastic though for sticking around and you all get that I'm just kind of a whole package of clothes, emotions, honesty, and whatever else I talk about.

But seriously, thank you all for letting me just be me.

Anyways, today was a DAY to be talked about. Not only did the cutest very obviously gay and wonderful man approach me on the street and watch these outfit photos be taken until jumping in one himself, but my best friend who I have known since the very first day of college aced the heck out of her MCAT's (and by that I mean falling in the 99% percentile) which made me cry on my drive home from squeezing her insides rotten. This whole college journey thing is such an emotional intensive experience and to see someone you love come out on top is amazing. I feel lucky to have been a part of her experience every step of the way. LAURA, you are an inspiration. And now I'll be able to say I know an Ivy League medical student in 2014.

Today marks the first day that it hit eighty degrees here and I took a bit of money out of my photography dough (and then put the rest in my savings for Seattle! huzzah!) from a couple weeks ago towards these new Saltwaters. Today also marks the first day I decided to wear my hair like this in public. Despite the few people who asked me if it took forever to do, truthfully, I wore down and did it like this because I was much too tired to shower this morning. And I kind of think I look like Princess Leia, too, but this is my new favorite thing to do to my hair because it's all out of my face. That is a gift, ladies and gentlemen.

My Seattle countdown is ten days. I'm freaking out.

Just in case you thought I was kidding, no. He really did ask for a picture.

And he should really model. Look at that bone structure!

dress: forever 21 // shoes: Saltwaters // sunglasses: old navy